You know when you are feel badly, there is precious little that will bring you comfort. This week’s “Three for Thursday” is about the things that bring me comfort when I am feeling my most worst.
Let me just say that, typically, I am feel my worst in regards to what the endometriosis or the (supposed) neuropathy are doing to me. I guess I could also throw in the laundry list of drugs and assorted medications they put me on and what they do to me. Well, for that matter – I guess to cover all bases – it would be what the continual pain, lack of sleep, drug trials, doctor run arounds, emotional drain do to me. Yesterday was a combination of everything when I thought up this week’s list. And yes – my husband is really ALWAYS #1 on every list – but I thought I would change it up a bit this week.
Here we go!
#1 – My puppy Pixie. She seems to know when I am feeling my worst and always just wants to cuddle and make be feel better. She will just lay there and let me pet her to get my mind off the pain. By this point I am surprised she has all her fur on both sides – hopefully we won’t be calling her “Baldy” any time soon.
#2 – My heating pad. Any girl with endo will tell you a heating pad is one of the most important items you need to go into battle – other then your spork! I am currently padding with the XL Sun Bean with the “Superr Sofft” plush washable cover. Its pretty fancy, just like me.
#3 – My bed -or- as I typically refer to it – Bed. Sometimes nothing feels better then just laying down. I know that the pain in my pelvic region is aggravated by 2 things – sitting in a chair for long periods and standing. Lucky for me my desk job does not require either. Caught me – that’s a big fat lie. So you can see why I like Bed so much.
Below is a picture of this week’s Three for Thursday. What are things that make you happy when you hurt?
Sometimes, the summer will just get to you. You will step outside and feel enveloped in a wet, hot blanket.
It’s this type of night that makes me wonder how (and why) people ever thought it was a good idea to explore and settle Florida. It is hard to imagine trudging through the jungle-like undergrowth to see what hot mess was just around the bend… with no AC or bug spray.
I make it through these nights knowing that I am steps away from cool, dry, insect free air. Those explorers just must have been heartier folk then me.
Sometimes, the pain will just get to you. You will find yourself awake and enveloped in a pain that is a knife in your gut and lightning down you leg.
It’s these pain filled nights that make me wonder how (and why) I am expected to go through this. To lay in my sleepless bed and know that this may be the best I can expect for the day. To know that any step could cause a wall of pain.
You could get through these if there was a pill to stop the pain. But there isn’t. You just have to get through it. But then I realise – I am heartier folk. I will trudge through this hot mess to see what is around the next bend.
I am heartier folk and I will make it through this deep south, southern night.
So its Tuesday, pain is fairly bad still. So bad in fact that I was sick today.
I was at work, had my lunch –> then lost my lunch.
My earlier question you ask? It’s a two parter:
#1. being sick in an office rest room (gross).
#2. necklace getting stuck under office rest room toilet seat (grosser).
My neurologist recently changed my nerve pain medicine from Neurontin to Lyrica. The good news is that it should hopefully be better though. more expensive. The bad news, I went from a full dose of nerve pain meds to a 1/4 dose. Needless to say the past few days have been zero to negative fun and have seen the need to increase the Tramadol.
This weekend has been a slow one… I maybe have a few hours at a time to do something. Due to the time constraint limitations, I decided to do a little something for me = pedicure time to brighten a painful, rainy Saturday.
Since I had my hysterectomy surgery and subsequent neuropathy, bending over to “do” my toe nails hurts – a lot. I try to think of going for pedicures as this wonderful bonus I have gained since my surgeries and loss of my girlie bits.
So while perusing the wall of nail polish I fall in love with wonderful color called Mermaid Tears. Now not only am I being drawl to this soft, sea form teal but it’s name. Mermaid tears – there is something about this name that just has hold of me for some reason. It keeps sending off a buzz to my brain while I stare at the nail polish in my hand. Not only most I have these mermaid tears on my toes – but now my finger nails too! Once the pedicurist is at the finishing point, I ask if they have a bottle of this polish for sale – and they do!
It finally came to me that a mermaid crying is so intriguing to my imagination because it so beautifully tragic. It parallels where I feel I am right now…. This beautiful life I have have with my caring husband and this life I can not participate in due to pain. It may be sad, but still shines such beauty… Just like mermaid tears.
#1 – My Husband He is for sure my #1 favorite of any “favorites” list. I honestly don’t know how his patience has not evaporated during this whole endometriosis/hysterectomy/mood swing/constant pain thing. I am lucky he found me!
#2 – Pain Free Moment Every so often, there will be a moment that I do not hurt. It may be that the tramadol just kicked in or that I am positioned a certain way to not anger what ever nerve/endo issues are going on. At first it is a weird sensation like I forgot something – or there is something wrong. You get accustomed to the pain that you feel the void of its absence. In that one moment I am so happy – and I am normal again. I wish I had a lot more of these moments.
#3 – Air Conditioning/De-humidifier Holy Crap has it been hot the last couple of days. And it isn’t just the heat but the humidity as well. When I walked out to my car this morning I thought I was in Cambodia. I don’t know if other surgery induced menopause ladies have it happen – but if I get too hot it will kick off a hot flash. So today air conditioners and de-humidifiers make the list!
What are your Favorites??
So, here I am – I have endometriosis.
I am uterus and ovary free but still in constant pain.
I had my first laparoscopy 7/2010, complete hysterectomy 9/2010 and another laparoscopy 3/2011 but I am still in constant pain.
I have had 4+ pelvic ultra sounds, 3 contrast dye CT scans, 3 MRIs and nerve testing but still I am in pain.
I have been to a general doctor, an urologist, an OBGYN, a general surgeon and a neurologist but still I am in constant pain.
I have been on and off and switched to countless pain medicines but still I am in constant pain.
I have decided that it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when I am standing in the pitch dark…