Tag Archives: Chronic pain

2 Guns, Wicker Man & Small Victories

My first trip away from my home in almost 2 years started out wonderfully! The roads were clear, the weather was nice and I remembered how to sing at the top of my lungs to the Smiths. Surprisingly, I even remembered all the words. As you probably understand, traveling on highways for long periods of time my ones self can tend to get a bit boring. So, I tried to make up games to play while singing at the top of my lungs for entertainment.

My first game was “Find the Weirdest Thing”. I started really looking around and decided that I-10 is a bit barren and probably had to do more than one game at a time. SO – I started also looking for “The Cutest Thing I See”. It was cute that I found first. While passing a truck towing a wooden and metal pen I saw a mother goat nursing her little kids. They were a furry and cuddly and seemed to be enjoying the trip. Shortly after I found the winner of the other game…

I came upon a big RV that looked like it had a bunch of Blair Witch bundles attached to the back. It was still fairly far away so it could be that it was something less creepy. The closer I got, the more my first impression seemed to be right. There seemed to be several grotesque trees that had been pulled out of the ground with roots dangling. Tied to the top of these trees were bundles of dry sticks. What made it even creepier was that while I passed the front of this RV I caught a glimpse of the driver. He was a withered looking man with a hat on his head and twiggy fingers gripping the steering wheel. All I could imagine for miles was… The Wicker Man!

It was at this point I decided that The Smiths had to go and be replaced with something a bit more peppy.

With the Stray Cats blazing I continued on. It wasn’t until 2 hours into my journey that the pain became more demanding of my thoughts. I tried my best to fanagle the car seat to get more comfortable. I was not going to give up fighting. In the end, I went with a low-lean rider approach. Tilted back and arms extending to the steering wheel I continued on south. By the time I got to my parent’s house I never wanted to sit again. The pain was certainly ramped up and nearly sprang from my car when I got there.

After the initial hugs and greetings I realized that the pain was so much that I was starting to shoot down my leg and make my foot numb. I decided to eat, take another tramadol and lay down. After a 2 hour nap I was able to socialile and eat dinner with my parents. I even made it to their friend’s house to celebrate a birthday!

It may not seem like it to others – but this was such a victory for me! I kept to my guns and I was able to over come the fear of the pain and take a road trip! It really hurt, like I feared it would – but I was able to motor on!

Endometrosis may plaque me with pain but I was able to tell it how I feel by taking this trip.

Endo – you can SUCK IT!

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Be Careful What You Wish For…

So yes, it has been a bit since I have added something new and sporkfight has become a wee bit neglected…

I have be so busy with my new job!  Honestly, I went in hoping for just a part time job… something to make a bit of money to help with bills so I would not feel guilty about working,  I really, really wanted to work at one of my favorite stores.

I went into the interview with fingers crossed and hoping I could get one of the part time seasonal postions and knock their socks off to keep it into the new year.  Here it comes –

Be careful what you wish for.  Not only did I get a part time job, but becasue of all my “experience” I also am now a “Part Time Asst. Manager”.  Ok, not too bad, right?  Still part time – give my body time to rest.  Still have time to clean and make dinner and see my husband.  In theory – this job is great.  In theory.

Just one little thing – Holiday Season.  The two little words that strike fear into the hearts of mall workers everywhere!  And now my part tine job has been scheduled for 38 hours this week.  On my feet, bending, leaning, kneeling, lifting.  WOW!  I am tired.  So far I am making it – but there a little warning signs:

  1. Pain in the morning
  2. Pain when stepping on my left foot
  3. The electrical shock on my inner thigh (neuropathy)
  4. And of course, the internal stabbing (endo)
I am making it – barely.  I have already mentioned it to my boss – but hopefully once we have the store all set for the holidays my hours can be cut back a bit.  I would hate to lose something I am so excited to have.                                                                                                                                                                       So now I am crossing my fingers to get less hours – we shall see.  Happy to have a job.  Happy to be doing it well.  Hoping to keep my body from attacking me.                                                                                                                                 Be careful what you wish for.  

Don’t Be Such a Pain in the Butt

Or needle in the spine – whatever – either way it hurts!  So the second caudal epidural was two weeks ago today.  I did get some pain relief from this one – just not as much as the first injection.  Also, it seems that the injection site right above my tail bone hurt for a much longer time.  Maybe it was because the two injections were so close to one another…. who knows – I only play a doctor on tv.

I went to see my neurologist who was a bit disappointed that I did not get more pain relief – as was I – especially for the $200 co-pay.  He took the time, sat and listened to how my pain effects my life and the triggers that bring it on.  When I told he about my current employment status he seemed to think this may help narrow down some of symptoms.  Maybe even get more relief since I am not stressed out and able to lay down when needed.  We shall see about that….

I got one of the meds doubled to see if that helps more and I am on my own for three months!  He made sure to tell me I can always call – but we are both hopeful things are going to be better – FINALLY!  It still hurts but it isn’t as bad – and I will take what I can get!  Endometrisos is still a monkey on my back – but at least he is not as big and and a bit cuter now!

Words Hurt pt. 2 – or How Ridiculous People Are

So the the day has been mainly wonderful!  I have been able to do much more than I have been in such a long time.  I actually got to go to my favorite yarn shop and SIT and knit for hours.  I honestly have no memory of the last time I was able to do this.  Granted there is still pain – but there seems to be a muzzle on the rabid beast.

I am trying not to get too excited, because I do not want to be crushed if it comes back.  So, for the time being we are at status Cautiously and Hopefully Optimistic.   (with all fingers and toes crossed; turning at sunrise 3 times west then 4 times east finishing by hopping backwards on one foot).

It was a big day.  I am proud of myself, I am proud of my husband for still loving me, I am proud of my doctors (except for the part when they left me fanny naked up for way too long) – HELL I am proud of my furry babies for being so cute and cuddly.

I came home after my big day and napped.  I didn’t want to push it.  I will do what have done for the last year and half and take it easy tonight,  This entails dinner at home. laying horizontal, maybe paint my nails and watching other people living their lives through the social media(s).

So – I was commenting on a friend/co-workers photo of his cat.  The comments went something like this:

Me: “That is a happy cat”
Friend: “She is getting her tummy scratched”
Me: “Some ladies really like that”

AND this is where is gets ridiculous… And this also shows how brave the ignorant, immature and hateful can become behind a computer …

Errant Asshole: “Some Ladies aren’t even ladies because they had all their reproductive parts taken out”
Me: “Wow, that’s mature.  At least I have more balls then you”

I mean – what are you to say about that?  It is an obviously disgruntled formal employee dismissed from his position by another manager.  He just happens to have a wide aim on his hatred gun.  Usually my friends who are still in touch with him remove these kind of posts quickly.  I know I should have let this one go – but I had to FIGHT LIKE A GIRL on this one for all my hyster sisters.

It is funny that people – but not surprising men – do not get that we are more then walking tits with reproductive organs tucked inside.  There.  It’s said.

And come ON – I was commenting on a freaking CAT PICTURE!  Let me know if you want to step in the ring 😉

Pain, Yes – But I Can Can

Yes, still a lot of pain today, ironically, from pain management yesterday.

Today the pain was like lightning again – and the meds don’t seem to touch it.

I seem to really be struggling to stay positive for the Caudal Epidural on Friday. I really fear (near panic) the thought of a needle in my spine as well as this being my 7+ surgery/procedure I have hoped to be pain free after.

My self worth and image are straight down the crapper due to pain, lack of sleep and feeling like I let every one down.

So – I am putting on my big girl skirts and remembering that I CAN CAN!

I Can function in pain with no sleep.
I Can ignore lightning down my leg.
I Can not freak out at scary spine needles.
I Can still find hope.
I Can love me no matter what.
I Can know I do all my body allows me.

And I can Can Can (in my dreams). Who wants to Can Can with me?

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I Wish

Sometimes, I just want a beer – just one beer. Oh course, I can’t have one because of the medications I am taking. Even knowing this I still want one so badly, I can almost imagine what it tastes like…. I could just jump in!

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I wish!

Up, Waiting and Hopeful

So, it seems I spend a lot of my time waiting for my meds to kick in to help elevate some of the pain. This morning I was up about an hour before my first dose of the day. It is almost like the pain from the endometriosis wants to make sure I am awake and feeling the pain before I can fight back.

It’s been at least a couple months since I have had some hope about being pain free or at least pain less. I was really hoping that Lyrica was going to be the answer, but it is only half of it. I am happy it has gotten rid of the majority of lightning nerve pain that shoots down my leg. Unfortunately, it has not anything for my original pain.

I am so excited to go to my first pain management appointment tomorrow morning to talk about nerve blocks. It is something I have hope in. It is hard to think I have to live with such pain and I am ready for something new.

I am ready for something to give me hope.

I am ready to do some more fighting!

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Its a Miracle!

Let me start by saying I had my dreaded doctor’s appointment at the neurologist’s yesterday morning.  I feel like I am just an after thought at this office since most people they see are dealing with things like MS, Parkinson’s, Epilepsy and so on.  Not to mention that when you call in, the staff can be less then helpful (see 7-1/2 Minutes + a Verbal Shake Down  & Take 2 and Call me in the Morning).  So, as you can imagine, my tummy was knotted up by the time I parked by car at the hospital.

I made it into the doctor’s office and went to sign in.  This is when the magic started happening.  I was pulling out my check book for the co-pay and I learn that I do not have one.  There is some kind of credit or something on my account.  Well – that is $25 that will go to the pedicure I didn’t think I could afford.  Then I went to sit and wait.  I was called by the nurse before my butt had become to warm the pleather!  As I walked toward her she said good morning and told by my dress was precious!  Hold crap – this is awesome – I am getting some first class service today.

The nurse goes to weigh me (we won’t discuss those #s) and take my blood pressure.  She says its perfect – 120/80!  Well that is just amazing – not being treated as a second class citizen does wonders!  Then it is time to go sit in the Dr’s office while he talks and takes his dictation for my case at the same time (while a bit a nerving, I always know he has his facts straight).

“You look tired, you aren’t sleeping well”  yes this is true

“Your secondary pain is helped by Lyrica – but the primary pain is still there, yes?”  yes, this is true too

“Well, lets put off surgery a few months and try pain management – I am recommending nerve blocks – is this ok with you?” YES!  YES it is, I will try anything at this point!  I just am so sick of the pain!

“We will make sure they sure they see you as soon as possible”  Holy Crap – It’s a miracle!

So – I get sent out to the nurse’s station to get all my new appointments squared away.  As I sit thinking to myself, one of the nurses is eating her breakfast… and it hits me – I left my breakfast at home.  I must of muttered something and before I knew it a nurse was handing me a cup of fruit, cinnamon roll and mini chicken biscuits.  She had me eat the fruit immediately and packed the rest for when I got to my office.

THEN they get my first pain management appointment for Monday morning.  This morning!  By this point I am looking for the “pods” because this may look like the same doctor and nurses – but these versions seemed to actually care.  It was just amazing.  I walked out into the parking deck with a spring in my step, an appointment card in one hand and a bag of breakfast goodies in another.

They are trying to get rid of my pain!  It’s a Miracle!  God does love me – and it is more than just giving us beer (which I can no longer drink).

Late Night Loopy

Tonight, I am beat, just totally spent from a super long day that started at the doctor’s office. Pain is very bad tonight and just waiting for something, anything to lessen it.

Here is something fun and positive to put in my brain to try to sleep to. I hope you sleep better than I will.

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Three for Thursday 8.25.2011

This one is going to be quick – just so we don’t dwell on the negative. This week are three things I could totally do with out.

#1 – Endometriosis and all of it’s associated pain. It really just complicates just about every part of my life.

#2 – The IRS. I really don’t think I have to go any further then that one.

#3 – Nervous anticipation for doctor’s appointments. How many times do I have to say “it still hurts”. What part of “I can’t sit for more then 1/2 hour” is unclear? Do I have to break down in sobbing, hysterical tears to get my point across? Not to mention seeing my favorite nurses & office staff!

On the bright side, tomorrow is Friday, football season is around the corner and Irene is not pointing at my town.

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