Category Archives: Uncategorized

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Hotflashes + Pain = Grumpy

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Inflammatory Post!

Below is my (edited) inflammatory post from last week.  It was only meant to describe how I felt about having to leave my job and what I saw as possibilities.  It caused so many issues it was ridiculous.  I ended up deleting numerous “friends” from my Facebook because I did not know who would use my words against me and my family.  I decided to repost an edited version to share my thoughts and what I see for my possible future.  They are my thoughts and feelings and I will not be scared to share them!

Sometimes we all need a little push to get us going in the direction we are meant to go. I had my little push last Friday (9/23) – too bad it was off a cliff. Last week I lost my job of 10 years under ridiculous circumstances. I really didn’t know how to react, yes I was very sad and upset but there was something else too, maybe it was relief.

So – I find myself unemployed. It is hard to know how to react now, I have seen friends and family go through this. They all seem to get upset, mad, vengeful, depressed. I feel almost guilty to say I am happy. I am happy I am no longer there. I am happy to not be yelled at by customers. (edited removal) I am happy to not to have to make employees mind what they say when they are upset and feel they are justified. (edited removal)  I am happy not to be trapped at a desk for 9+ hours a day – too busy to get up and go to lunch. I am happy not to come home at night and on the weekends and start working again. (edit removal) I am happy to not hear the things I was hearing and NOT hearing.

I wake up in the morning and now there is no sense of impending doom. I never knew how negatively it mad me feel. God only knows how it made my endometriosis react. While I still have pain, I am able to go lay down for 20 minutes or so until if feels better. It has not been unbearable this week – and to me that is a miracle!

My life is full of possibilities – I could go and work anywhere I want. I don’t have to go into the same field, I can go do something else! I don’t have to work behind a desk – I could go work where I actually help people and feel like I accomplish something.  (edited removal) I could get all my knitting in order and start an Etsy shop. I am free to go find me – and to do what will make me happy and keep me healthy.

(new)My husband has been absolutely wonderful during this – even when the original version of this post was “tattling fodder” and spread like wildfire.

(new) Sadly, people I thought were my friends were not – and I had to remove so many people from my contacts just to make sure.  But all of life is a learning lesson, right?

I am happy that I got my push-off a cliff – and happier that I landed on a great big mound of possibilities and happiness! When I turn to look back – that cliff was just a stumble!

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Morning Joe

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I’m up – I blame the kitties.

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Dreamtime

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I let the animals pick what we watch – should have known

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I Remember

Ten years ago, I was getting ready to go to work. I was running late for some reason that is lost to the years. As I was walking toward the tv to turn it off, Good Morning American was showing a tight, live shot of a building smoking. In the rushed minutes I stopped in listened. They were reporting that it was a small, most likely Cessna-type plane, had hit the North Trade Tower.

I grabbed my purse, and went to work. The car ride was any other drive to work. Thoughts and talks of things that have become completely irrelevant. The news story I had turned off in a rush was already gone from my mind.

As I walked to my desk and started to settle there was a lot if conversation. Rushed words, comings and goings. And then someone said:

“Another plane hit the other tower, this is an attack”

I didn’t know what to think. An attack? On our soil? By planes? I was lost, as were the rest of us.

What happened next I do not have to recount. It happened to all of us. Shock. Fear. Outrage.

That day, in the frightened calls from family and the shared reaction from my coworkers, a thought that I keep hearing in my mind. This is our Pearl Harbor. This is history. I have to watch. I have see. I have to know. I have to remember.

10 year later, I remember and I will never forget.

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Burning Up!

Call the fire department because I am scorching the sheets!

In all my rush to get ready for my epidural in four days, I forgot to get one of my prescriptions – an important one. The one that keeps the “mean, hot times “anyway”.

At one point I was so hot and sweaty, I took my temperature – I just knew I was going to blow the end of the thermometer. It was 97.2.

It can’t last forever, right?

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True to Life Pain Scale

Have you ever noticed how the “face” pain scales just do not make any sense?  I have noticed this especially when I am in pain.  Sometimes they seem more like a slap in the face – like mister “have a nice day” got rained on and has wet shoes.  At that point why not  start using ice cream scoops for the severity of the pain.   “Boy I tell ya, my pain is at a triple decker today!”

Below is a chartwithdescriptions that I feel work out better, at least for me.

I am happy to say that I have never been to “Too Serious for Numbers”.

0 = All is clear, running on all cylinders without problem

1 = Hey there, what’s that?  Oh well.

2 = OK, I felt something that could become comfortable at some point

3 = There it was again, still do not like it.

4 = Yep, that is definite pain.

5 = Hey – its back.  And it has a friend, neither are nice.

6 = There is definitely a disturbance in the force.

7 = This is already uncomfortable and now I have jumpy leg syndrome to off set my brain from noticing.

8 = WOW – this is not cool, I need drugs.

9 = Please, no one touch me.

10 = I need full sedation to survive.

11 = No speech or other communication possible just searing, complete pain.

Too Serious for Numbers = I will not recover – ever.  Praying for a quick death.