Category Archives: Family & Furry Kids

Bad, Bad Blogger (part 1)

It has been a very busy, very crazy 2012. As a result of this circus, I have neglected my writing.

We lost my father in law just after my last post. It was sudden, scary and painful all around. I was unable to travel the 12+ hours due to my endo and neuropathy. Because the the situation didn’t suck bad enough, I had to send my husband on that trip by himself. Needless to say I have never been so angry at myself and my disease as I was that long week that I was alone. I spent my time grieving for much more than the loss of a beloved father in law. Time marched on and so did my pain.

I was scheduled to have a nerve stimulator put in July this past summer. Unfortunately, my husband’s job was eliminated and in turn, so was our health insurance. I was crushed. Not only for the loss of opportunity to live a better life but also the pain my husband endured with the loss of his job. He was given warning, no chance to change to another position. Once again shown how uncaring and dismissive the company I once worked for was. Put simply & crudely – they can suck my ass.

After fear, concern and several distant job interviews, my husband was offered 2 jobs in the Raleigh/Durham area. So Durham is where we landed.

Stay tuned for the next installment of the sporkfight circus….

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Be Careful What You Wish For…

So yes, it has been a bit since I have added something new and sporkfight has become a wee bit neglected…

I have be so busy with my new job!  Honestly, I went in hoping for just a part time job… something to make a bit of money to help with bills so I would not feel guilty about working,  I really, really wanted to work at one of my favorite stores.

I went into the interview with fingers crossed and hoping I could get one of the part time seasonal postions and knock their socks off to keep it into the new year.  Here it comes –

Be careful what you wish for.  Not only did I get a part time job, but becasue of all my “experience” I also am now a “Part Time Asst. Manager”.  Ok, not too bad, right?  Still part time – give my body time to rest.  Still have time to clean and make dinner and see my husband.  In theory – this job is great.  In theory.

Just one little thing – Holiday Season.  The two little words that strike fear into the hearts of mall workers everywhere!  And now my part tine job has been scheduled for 38 hours this week.  On my feet, bending, leaning, kneeling, lifting.  WOW!  I am tired.  So far I am making it – but there a little warning signs:

  1. Pain in the morning
  2. Pain when stepping on my left foot
  3. The electrical shock on my inner thigh (neuropathy)
  4. And of course, the internal stabbing (endo)
I am making it – barely.  I have already mentioned it to my boss – but hopefully once we have the store all set for the holidays my hours can be cut back a bit.  I would hate to lose something I am so excited to have.                                                                                                                                                                       So now I am crossing my fingers to get less hours – we shall see.  Happy to have a job.  Happy to be doing it well.  Hoping to keep my body from attacking me.                                                                                                                                 Be careful what you wish for.  

Don’t Be Such a Pain in the Butt

Or needle in the spine – whatever – either way it hurts!  So the second caudal epidural was two weeks ago today.  I did get some pain relief from this one – just not as much as the first injection.  Also, it seems that the injection site right above my tail bone hurt for a much longer time.  Maybe it was because the two injections were so close to one another…. who knows – I only play a doctor on tv.

I went to see my neurologist who was a bit disappointed that I did not get more pain relief – as was I – especially for the $200 co-pay.  He took the time, sat and listened to how my pain effects my life and the triggers that bring it on.  When I told he about my current employment status he seemed to think this may help narrow down some of symptoms.  Maybe even get more relief since I am not stressed out and able to lay down when needed.  We shall see about that….

I got one of the meds doubled to see if that helps more and I am on my own for three months!  He made sure to tell me I can always call – but we are both hopeful things are going to be better – FINALLY!  It still hurts but it isn’t as bad – and I will take what I can get!  Endometrisos is still a monkey on my back – but at least he is not as big and and a bit cuter now!

Running the Fireball

Chronic pain, recovering from surgeries and, most likely, eek age sure does change a girl.  It wasn’t too long ago I was looking to increase my yarn stash (granted a geeky pursuit), my book stash (see aforementioned geekness), my noggin knowledge (yea geeking again) and get some fancy shoes (definitely girlie).  These were fun pursuits that always brought a smile to my face and a spring to my step.

My surgery has changed me in so many ways that it is hard to see all at once.  There are little things that just kind of sneak up on me.  Most notable of late I notice my current loves of comfortable underwear (eek – my mom!), shoes that keep me on my feet (eek – my dad!), a new vacuum (YIKES – my mom again) and shiny & loud nail polish (still definitely girlie phew).  Today I want to talk about my new vacuum – The Fireball.

I had to go looking for a new vacuum about a month ago because:

  • My vacuum stopped sucking – in the way it should at least
  • Our vacuum was not that great in the first place
  • I needed something that was easier to use since my surgery & neuropathy have made bending painful

I decided to start looking at a “local” vacuum store – shop local and all that.  I was sure that it would just be full of super nice vacuums that were more expensive then my car.  It was a payday Friday at lunch – no time like the present to go get vacuum sticker shock.  At least I may be able to pump some vacuum knowledge out of the clerk.  Of course, the second I got in the store it started pouring – big Florida “I’m going to rain for awhile” raindrops.  Now I was going to be trapped and probably hear more than I have ever cared to hear about vacuums.  But something happened two steps in – I saw him – an absolutely gorgeous, red upright.

I had to know more about this red heart stealer.  Then, the clerk introduced me to him, Fireball.  He was an upright that would work perfectly my “needs” and the hardwood floors.  That was all I needed to know – but wait – Fireball had more to offer  – IT WAS ON SALE!  Say no more!  As I paid for Fireball and walked out the door, the sun broke through the clouds as a sign of the special relationship that Fireball and I would have together.

I was back at the office – Fireball in the car – and I could not stop talking about it  to anyone that would lend an ear:

“Fireball this”

“Fireball that”

“Fireball red”

“Fireball sale”

It wasn’t long that I noticed I was talking about my new vacuum like a balding, midlife crisis man talks about his new sports car.   And then, more importantly, I realized – I DID NOT CARE!  All I could think about for the rest of the afternoon was going home and vacuuming!  Then – it was time.  I was actually going to run the Fireball….

AND IT WAS MAGNIFICENT!

It was the best vacuuming experience I have ever had – ever…  Fireball took me everywhere!  I could vacuum under the bed, behind the sofa, reach the dust on the crown molding – there was nothing I could not dowiththis vacuum at my side.  And the best thing – I barely had to move.  Needless to say, Fireball and I got to know each other well that first week as I vacuumed daily, and enjoyed it!

Needless to say, Fireball and I have slowed down after that new thrill diminished.  But when it is time to vacuum – I find myself standing with a sly smile on my face opening the storage closet – Its time to run the Fireball!

Empty

Sometimes, I feel I am just sitting in an empty room watching others’ lives whirl by. Keeping me sitting in this empty room is my pain – it is my constant, unwelcome companion.

While I sit in my empty room I still feel the sun streaming in to warm my face. And my favorite love visits and fills the room with love.

Sometimes, while I sit in my empty room, I think of what could have been, having little versions of my favorite love – and me – to fill this empty room.

Sometimes I sit in my empty room and watch others’ lives but remain with love in my heart and my favorite by my side.

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Three for Thursday! 08.11.2011

This week I will share with your three of my contastant companions that got me through my hysterectomy recovery.  Let me just say that of course my wonderful husband was my knight in yada yada – but he had some helpers that made me smile.  In order of age we have:

#1 – Echo, Physician’s Assistant.  He not only had luminescent, x-ray eyes,  but he was with me constantly  Pictured here during a late night bed check.

#2 – Peanut Puppy, Nurse Maid and alerter to danger, both real and imagined.   Nurse maiding is hard work per the pix.

#3 – Lucky No. 13, heating pad heater.  They can’t take care of themselves.

I know that people may make fun of me and others that have such love for their animals – but they are part of my family.  Not only has their companionship gotten me through my surgical recoveries – but also the knowledge that I will not birth my own children.  These are my furry kids, I love them for everything they are and everything they can not be.  They make me smile, laugh and love things that are beyond themselves.

They are my Three for Thursday this week and everyday!

Wandering Near and Nearer?

Today – I finally put my mind to figuring out when the last time I was “out of town”. After thinking about it – I realized it was Thanksgiving 2009. That was the last time I left this city.

So – thinking that is a pretty sad state of affairs – I began to wonder exactly what is the furthest I have traveled from my house in that time? Today – I came to the conclusion that it is 25 minutes. I made that trip today and I timed it to be sure – 25 minutes. That is about how long it takes for me to start to be uncomfortable while I am sitting. It was a quick trip to pick something up at a friend’s house. So – that is 25 minutes there (5 minute rest from sitting) 25 minutes back. A total of 50 minutes with a short 5 minute interlude of standing. So – that takes us to 55 minutes.

Today – on the drive back – I realized that at minute 40 of those 55 minutes that my eyes started watering. Just watering – of their own accord. I was just hurting. It was weird, I noticed that they were watery and I just wiped it away without thinking. Today – I realized – is not the first time I have done that. It just happens – so I wipe them away. Today I put it together those watery eyes happen more often then I would like. Today they were watery 40 minute eyes. Tomorrow they may be 30 minutes in a chair, watery eyes.

For the time being of my todays – I wander nearer.

courtesy of AlexPoncePhotography.com

Scary Movie Friday

Some how, some way, I made it through today. It was full of full at work (if you know what I mean), and a bucket of discomfort. I was super happy to get home!! Me time.

I was going to take my meds, rest and watch a movie. The best laid plans – blah, blah, blah and all that. I managed to fall in the most peculiar way that I not only roughed up the front of one knee and the back of the other but I am pretty sure I am going to be one sore bunny in the morning…

So what goes great with discomfort and pain? You guessed it! Scary movie time!

I really wanted to see “Hellraiser” because of the nifty box replica from the aforementioned movie pictured below…but it wasn’t in the cards, so I have watched “The Descent”. Holy crap! Way creepier than I anticipated. Lots of quick thrills and chills and the somewhat (impossible if you ask me) expected twist at the end. There was one moment that startled me so badly that I nearly sucked all the oxygen out of the house.

So I give it for entertainment value – and should make for easy sleeping!

“the box, you opened it, we came…”

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Deep South Summer Night

Sometimes, the summer will just get to you. You will step outside and feel enveloped in a wet, hot blanket.

It’s this type of night that makes me wonder how (and why) people ever thought it was a good idea to explore and settle Florida.  It is hard to imagine trudging through the jungle-like undergrowth to see what hot mess was just around the bend… with no AC or bug spray.

I make it through these nights knowing that I am steps away from cool, dry, insect free air. Those explorers just must have been heartier folk then me.

Sometimes, the pain will just get to you. You will find yourself awake and enveloped in a pain that is a knife in your gut and lightning down you leg.

It’s these pain filled nights that make me wonder how (and why) I am expected to go through this. To lay in my sleepless bed and know that this may be the best I can expect for the day. To know that any step could cause a wall of pain.

You could get through these if there was a pill to stop the pain. But there isn’t.  You just have to get through it.  But then I realise – I am heartier folk. I will trudge through this hot mess to see what is around the next bend.

I am heartier folk and I will make it through this deep south, southern night.

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Three for Thursday! (7.28.2011)

This week my “Three for Thursday” are things I am lucky to have.  Even though it is tough going (especially on days they take 8 vials of blood) it is important to remember there are lucky things I have in my life.

#1 – I am lucky to have my husband.  He will always be number one.  I won’t bore you with the details – but it is a deserved ranking.  I will also lump my awesome furry children in this category too.  They continuously make me laugh and still love me even if I am crying.

#2 – I am lucky to have my good friends, all near and far.   It is good knowing that even though it has become easy for me to lose touch with people, that I have people who care enough not to lose touch with me.  I am also lucky that people who do not know me well still feel confident enough in me to turn to me for guidance.  That is one of the biggest compliments one person can show another… and I am lucky to have had that.

#3 – Health Insurance! I can not even begin to guess how much all my medical bills would be at this time.  In the past year I have had 3 surgeries, 1 hospital stay, countless diagnosis test, 3 “in office” procedures, and too numerous to calculate lab tests.  I know it is hard to just pay down the hospital/doctor bills I have now – but to not have insurance?  It’s a scary thought!  I am very lucky to have it!

I think it is easy with everything that goes on in our lives to forget to stop and take stock of all we have that is good.  Good is good – we all need to remember that!  Now go be lucky!