Today marks the one year anniversary of my hysterectomy. I am not sure how I feel about it really. It was just a day that I lost pieces of me. They may have been organs that were becoming dead tissue but they were still part of me. I am lucky that my “girlie bit” organs were the only organs I lost that day. The endometriosis had started to more to my kidneys and was all the way down covering my entire pelvic floor.
Besides the organs and other tissues they have removed from me in the last 1-1/2 years, I have realized that I have lost other pieces of me along the way.
I have lost the ability to really concentrate on knitting and have only completed a handful or projects.
I have lost my desire to get lost in a book, mainly because I am so tired by the time I pick one up that I fall asleep.
I have lost the ability to visit my parents, only 3 hours away, because I can not sit in a car that long.
I have lost the time going and doing and seeing with my husband because the pain was too intense.
I have most certainly lost friends because I can not go and “hang out” like I used to and they stopped calling to see how I was.
And sadly, I have lost real pieces of me – my personality – myself.
I am finally beginning to realize that I may not ever be without pain. It is hard to understand, accept and move on with life but that is what I am doing.
I have been through two (not so fun & expensive) caudal epidurals. They seem to help knock the pain down. I will take what I can get.
I just finished a knitting project – the first in months! I have also signed up for a knitting class that starts this weekend. I am really excited and looking forward to it.
I got a bike that I have gone on short bike rides with my husband. It is nice to be outside pedalling around like kids in the graveyard near our house.
I have not yet been to see my parents – but I am hoping to for the holidays *fingers crossed*
I have found the friends that are truly caring. They have been the ones that have checked and visited and called – and that is worth so much to me.
I am beginning to learn more about the person I am becoming from all of this. I have certainly been changed by all of this.
I may have lost so many pieces of me but I thinking I am starting to take some of the pieces back – and put together and beginning to see my puzzle of me.