Band Aid Butt Crack

This morning, very early in the morning, my husband and I arrived at the surgery center to have my caudal epidural with steroids. Did I mention it was early? Dark early? And did I also mention that I did not have any coffee or pain medication? Yep, you guessed it – I was completely miserable. And panicky.

It was the day – the day I received my self appointed Indian name – Princess Panic Pants. It is also the day I got to begin a new treatment to end my pain. To get to this new hope, there us just one thing standing in my way:

A NEEDLE IN MY SPINE.

Yes, I had talked to all my “had a baby” friends and was reassured countless times that it was nothing to worry about. Of course all my friends had bundles of joy on the other side of the needle. I just had what could be my last big – not doped up – chance to be pain free. This idea made me feel like Princess Panic Pants too!

So, here I am, sitting in in a little curtained room, waiting for time to go “under the needle”. I had an IV line waiting for my “conscious sedation” drugs. I had my “make sure you tie in the back” gigantic gown on. I had my fancy, blue surgery cap on. And most noticeably, I had two shaky hands clamped together so tightly they were leaving nail marks on each other. Yep, I was totally ready.

After an eternity of curtained solitude, I was summoned to… The Needle Room. The sweet nurse walked me in and directed me to get on a table with my tummy of a big fluffy pillow. And then, the gown was parted and gentle, cold hands pull down my panties to my knees. You guessed – naked fanny pointed up for all the world to see.

Where was that conscious sedation!?!?!

Ah, there it is and everything slowed down, but I didn’t care.

“is the sedation on board?”

“yes, doctor.”

“Ok, here we go… Cold cleaner, it will dry quickly… Now you are going to feel some bee stings. Now you may start to feel some pressure…”

Pressure was an understatement! That thought must have been clearly grimaced on my face because one of the nurses leaned down to my ear and said “count to 15 and it will be over – and she was right. It. Was. Over… Kinda. Oh yea, caudal is the area right above your tailbone.

My naked fanny was still pointed to the sky. And apparently there was some, ah, blood clean up on aisle crack. And it took f.o.r.e.v.e.r. After that – I got a gauze laden band aid, on my butt crack. Wow. That is the last thing I thought would happen on this operating room – laughable!

Fast forward to 10 hours later. Here I am, I am fairly uncomfortable and I know have to wait to know if it worked. I started laughing because I remembered I have a butt crack band aide I can’t reach that has to come off tomorrow morning….

“Hey sweetpea….?”

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4 responses to “Band Aid Butt Crack

  1. A band aid for the booty crack, that’s a new one. How are you doing today?

  2. Ah, I was just going to comment to ask how you were doing. I see you’re still hopeful and that’s great.

    You really have a knack for writing! I can really appreciate the humor and the visuals of a butt crack bandaid! Keeping my fingers crossed for you as well!

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