Faux (.)

Having major surgery is scary.  I tried to put on a “happy face” but I was scared, worried and maybe a smidge panicky by the time I was ready to go to my pre-op appointment at my surgeon’s office.  I had a long list of questions for him and I was just ready to pounce the second he finished his due diligence discussion (or more aptly – just sign this in case I kill you).  SO, I had my chance and I took it.  I rattled off 3 weeks of research off in a flowing stream of questions that lasted about 5 full minutes.  I am also pretty sure I did not take a breath.

After all my questions concerning what exactly would be taken out of me (and if I could keep it), bone loss, hormone therapy, endo resurgence, length of surgery, length of incision, length of hospital stays, pre-op meds, post op meds, tummy support, lifting restrictions and basic living restrictions were all taken care of I was told something I hadn’t ever crossed my mind:

“You may have some vaginal bleeding for up to 6 months but after that – you will no longer have a period”

Two words ran through my mind but did not pass my lips because I was sitting in the middle of a doctor’s office – HOT DAMN!  This is the best news ever!  I will not have to suffer every month like clock work.

I was so excited!  Why hadn’t I ripped this stuff out of me sooner????  This is going to be the life – no cramps, cravings, headaches, bloating, backaches or the icky part we shall not discuss in mixed company.  I could wear light colored pants/skirts without fear!  Now I had something really great to look forward to after all this crap.  No more monthly visits from Mother Nature!!!  HOT DAMN!

Cut to almost a year later…. Next month I will be having my one year anniversary of my hysterectomy (currently, I do not have a party planned – yet).  I may not have my period as I remember it – but what I have now is only cramps, cravings, headaches, bloating, backaches PLUS hot flashes.  That is right – I GOT SCREWED!  You’re right – I don’t have a period anymore – I have a faux period.

The doctor promises this will get better over time, and because of my younger age, and hormone balances and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH… I should eventually get throughwithall of this.

Screw you Mother Nature – you may have the last laugh now – but I am not spending any money on your expensive feminine products!  TAKE THAT!


3 responses to “Faux (.)

  1. It’s really unfair that you have to have something so major taken away from you and yet still endure all the hassles that came with it.

  2. Mother Nature can sure be a bitch and it’s always women who get screwed. Well, hopefully soon this will all be a distant memory.

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