Freddy vs Jason –OR– Why I like the NFL Channel

I learned shortly after my first laparoscopy that I would need to have a hysterectomy.  To be honest – I kind had the feeling that may be the case while in the recovery room after hearing the surgeon speaking with my husband

“…we are going to have to go back in and remove part of her large intestine too…  With it this advanced it would have been painful for years – hasn’t she complained?”  (I Told you it Hurt )

The bad news, I wouldn’t be able to move forward with that major surgery until my body had some time to heal from this surgery.   The good news, I had lots and lots of time to think and worry about – every – minute –  little – detail.  It was great!

First TONS of research:

  • Getting things I will not be able to live without for the hospital stay (which I don’t really remember – thank you dilaudid)
  • Make sure that you “plan your space” to suit you best (I don’t really remember the first two week in “my space” – thank you dilaudid)
  • Belts and packs to deal with pain and swelling (THIS I remember clear as a bell ringing across the frozen morning on the edge of Lake Michigan– dilaudid, you failed me here)
  • Small basket on the bed with everything I could ever need (I just remember  wanting the remote, iPhone and eating animal crackers – thanks again dilaudid)

Ok,  I had done my research and recovery was going to be 6 weeks of catching up on knitting and novels.  Needless to say – this was not at all the case.   It turned out to be lots of pain and sleeping in 3 hour increments.  There were many times I would just lay on my back and play solitaire on my phone until the images of the cards went blurry and the phone would drop out of my hands – thank you again dilaudid – you were my truest friend during the first 2 weeks of recovery.

Slowly, days started seeming more like days and not fuzzy blocks of time sandwiched between pain and sleep.  I started watching and really paying attention to TV.  By this time we were in to October.  Martha Stewart starting making “Autumn Sprays withTwigs and Berries”, it was easy viewing, and easy viewing to fall asleep to.

There was a lot of sleeping during this recovery.  The TV turned into the noise in which I used to make sure that I was not lonely during the day.  It was at this stage I was startled from a sound afternoon’s nap by the most disturbing sounds and images a fuzzy mind could take…. Freddy VS Jason.  It scared the crap out of me!  I honestly jumped awake by something my stirring conscience freaked out about.  Needless to say, the last thing a knifed abdomen wants to do is jump.  Obviously, I had picked to have recovery at the wrong time of the year not to be scared to death from every nappy time.

I soon started surfing for a channel I could just leave the tv tuned to.  I will not go through all the channels that failed – but instead share with you the one that worked – NFL Channel.  The NFL Channel is golden for the person who does not want to be startled awake by Halloween programming, shock daytime talk shows, shopping networks, early morning paid programming, news with loud clips/and sad stories, soap operas and clapping Oprah audiences.  Granted, you have to actually like pro football (which I do) and be able to ignore whistles.  Other then that it is PERFECT!

I always know what I am going to get on the NFL Channel – and I will take it.  There are no sad news stories, no paid programming, no one screaming at me – just sweet and easy football.  It is truly the best reality tv – and I have never once seen Freddy or Jason!


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